---

2011-08-24T12:30:00.001-05:00

Wow. It has been months, upon month since writing!
What has happened?

Marriage
Grad School
Moving to KC
Getting a new job
Looking for a new church.

Man-oh-man. A lot.

2011-01-10T17:04:00.001-06:00

bill and i have decided to undertake a thirty day challenge.

in the next thirty days we will journal and pray this prayer,

Jesus, be the Lord of my life in new ways today.

Change me in any way you want.

Wash me clean from every sin.

Fill me with your Holy Spirit.

Make me a channel of your love & grace.

Exalt yourself through me.

Use me to lead someone else into this prayer.

In Your name I pray. Amen.

i think we are going to be taught a LOT!

2010-09-26T16:33:00.001-05:00

i get to marry my best friend in 377 days.

Yes, i'm doing a ridiculous countdown.

i feel ridiculously blessed and so undeserving.

i am learning so much more about that love that God

has for me through this.

...

2010-07-19T07:44:00.003-05:00

i'm pretty sure my blog is of no

interest to most people . . .

that's okay.

It's an outlet. A great outlet.

While watching a video today, i have realized even more how

much my life is saturated by unbelief. i feel like it is an inescapable trap

which i am smothering in.

Where did my love, joy, my heart go?

i feel like they are gone from my life, my actions . . .

i feel very stuck. VERY stuck.

2010-03-03T09:55:00.000-06:00

17Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
habakkuk.

2010-02-24T10:33:00.002-06:00

i'm having a selfish day.
A day where all i want is for Jesus to come back.
To sit beside me, hold me, wipe my tears away and look into my eyes.

There is so much that He is asking me to do though and day in and day out i sit comfortable in my home. . . having comfortable conversations and doing comfortable actions day after day. i want to be awakened. John 10:10 has been on my mind heavily for the past week. It says that He came to not only give us life, but life to the fullest. i want that life. i want my life to glorify the one who gave it ALL for me.

2010-02-15T17:37:00.001-06:00

I see the sun rising
And all you see is its fall, fall, fall

2009-11-08T21:33:00.002-06:00

.iwanttolearntobe
simplybecauseyouare.

2009-10-25T14:33:00.002-05:00

sometimes things hurt too much to think about...
so i put it off
and put it off
and put it off.

Then, i think about them at the most inopportune moments.
This happened to me today during church.
i was sitting there, surrounded by people.
But all i could think of was crap.
Garbage in my life.
Life has been really confusing for me lately...
i feel like i'm spinning out of control.
i'm learning how to forgive myself.
i'm learning humility.

There are gross things in my life,
but my brokenness can only be offered back to my Lord.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
-matt. 5:3

2009-10-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

i want to seek refuge in the mighty name of the Lord.

zeph. 3:5
he does no injustice;
every morning he shows forth his justice;
each dawn he does not fail;

.i'm a romantic.

2009-09-30T10:06:00.002-05:00

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.

i love knowing that the Lord has something
so much better for me than i could
ever ask or imagine.

i love when leaves come crashing down
around me on the way to class.

.i am a rescued child.

2009-09-27T08:43:00.003-05:00

i recently came out of a really dark time in my walk w/the Lord.
Covered in sin and shame i literally chose to not approach the
cross, worried for some reason that i was too much of a burden.
But there is grace, PRAISE THE LORD, there is grace.
Glory to God that He works and moves. This passage so clearly
speaks what the Lord has done for me. So much so that I was blown
away when I read it yesterday. Thank you Lord!

¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.

¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.

¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.

¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Ps. 18:16-19

2009-09-20T12:49:00.001-05:00

i can’t believe what He feels toward me.

constantly pursuing.

His heart burns for me,

burdens for me,

feels with me and rejoices with me.

He is love.

2009-09-17T21:08:00.001-05:00

"The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him."
Lam. 3:25

2009-09-15T07:37:00.002-05:00

maybe i seem cynical, pessimistic, sad, you name it. . .
i wear my emotions on my sleeve.
joy, despair, happiness, sadness.
Because why shouldn't we share these things, share ourselves in true form?

Maybe i'm wrong?

i need to stop paralleling my life to songs.

.after all i've done, You have loved me.

2009-09-04T22:45:00.002-05:00

i think i'm going through a season of pruning... it's intense.

i'm going to be honest, i don't like it.

To be even more honest, it's hard for me to be excited for the good that will come from this.

"St. John of the Cross saw the dark night of the soul, not as an actual abandonment by God, but as an expression of His love, that helped perfect the soul by purging it of all of its remaining attachment to spiritual faults and earthly things"

One of the only things that has kept me going is this song "After All" by Jon Shirley...

i'm battling through many things. Jesus, be my rock.

2009-08-31T17:36:00.003-05:00

i think i'll take chinese next semester.

i love carrots.

music makes me so happy.

i'm going on a trip soon.

my allergies are horrible.

apparently everyone will get swine flu at k-state this year.

wine class!!!!!

2009-08-27T11:34:00.002-05:00

So many things to consider in life right now.
i want to be somewhere far away from the city and breathe.
i want to spend time with Jesus somewhere isolated.

i'm seriously considering a Meg-God weekend.
i think we'll do it soon.

"Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains"
-JJ Heller

2009-08-26T14:32:00.003-05:00

My days recently:
Wake up.
Go to Spanish class.
Go to work.
Shelve carts of books.
Shift carts of books.
Shelve more carts of books.
Shift more carts of books.
Go to Swahili Class.
Go home.
Think about all the things I could do.
Work out.
Eat Dinner.
Go to sleep at 10:30.

2009-08-22T09:17:00.002-05:00

What do you guys think about loneliness?

Do you struggle with it?

Is it normal?

I once heard someone say, the more you fall in love with the Lord, the more your soul will drift toward loneliness because it understands more clearly how we are so not made for this world.

For me, there's this fine line between being too dependent on people for happiness, entertainment, etc and a feeling of just completely drawing myself away from people and becoming far too independent and even reclusive.

Lord, teach me more about community.

2009-08-18T22:37:00.000-05:00

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

2009-08-12T12:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday people thought I was a lunatic.

I floss normally twice a day. I brush my teeth three times a day.

I got 2 cavities. WHAT???

Anyways, I went to get them filled yesterday which left me not being able to feel from my chin, up to the bottom of my ears. But who knew it could be such cheap entertainment? I was literally in my car talking to myself and I would sporadically burst into laughter... It was a good day.

Guate, Guatemala.

2009-08-05T23:26:00.003-05:00

I feel bad about being absoutely terrible at this blog this summer.

But, oh well?

Okay, so guatemala.

gorgeous.

From the people, to the scenery to the Lord.

It was all gorgeous.

What did i learn?

The most important thing I learned can be summed up by Psalm 121:3,

He will not let your foot be moved;he who keeps you will not slumber.

The Lord met me there. Not in extravagant, bold, flashy words. But a still, small prodding. He revealed Himself to me. Reminding me of the steadfast love that He offers. The same in KC as Manhattan as Xela, Quetzaltenango, Guatemala.

He has not fallen asleep.

He is present in my life.

I am seeing the Lord in a different light.

He will not fall asleep on me!

Lord, help me learn how to sing a new song.

2009-07-16T14:19:00.003-05:00

salgo para guatemala en menos de 24 horas y estoy muy emocionada.

I will be gone for nine days and I am begging the Lord to show up
in crazy ways. I know that He will.

I know I didn't share yet what I mentioned in my earlier post, but maybe I will after Guatemala... plus I'll have tons of other awesome things to share!!!
Please pray for us while we are away.

Psalms 84:10
For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

2009-07-12T20:56:00.001-05:00

Okay, so i'm planning on posting SOON!
But i need to find my journal first because, yes!, i will be sharing an excerpt.
Get excited.

my heart is expressed

2009-06-29T23:53:00.002-05:00

My grandma got to see Jesus

Saturday night. I envy her.

I haven't been able to express

my feelings or my heart lately . . .

Ecclesiastes has always resounded

with me. Especially this passage:

¹For everything there is a season,

and a time for every matter under heaven:
²a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

^{3a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;}

^{⁴a time to weep, and a time to laugh;}

^{a time to mourn, and a time to dance;}

^{⁵a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;}

^{a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;}

^{⁶a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away;}

^{⁷a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;}

^{⁸a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.}

Thanks be to God.

2009-05-12T13:14:00.002-05:00

i feel like i'm living my faith for the first time.
i have had a big wake up call recently.
faith is faith.
a lot/most of the time it doesn't make sense.

He's giving me dreams again.
Visions of what He wants for me.
Visions of a sold-out daughter.

Brooke Fraser:
'Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want
-Arithmetic

2009-05-09T12:45:00.001-05:00

This man's voice is perfect.
William Fitzsimmons.
He's better live.
His beard is magical.

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth!"

2009-05-07T18:43:00.003-05:00

i found out that i am going to Guatemala this summer.

This is what i am most looking forward to >>>

2009-05-05T00:48:00.002-05:00

Far away far away, I want to go far away

To a new life on a new shore line

Where the water is blue and the people are new

To another island, in another life

2009-05-01T11:52:00.002-05:00

.allergies.

.all nighter.

.disaster room.

i cannot think straight and i'm leaving now to work here for the next 6 hours.

i have never had such a hard time trying to force myself to appreciate school.

i know it's a blessing but honestly, i want to be asleep and i want to be in KC.

2009-04-28T21:42:00.002-05:00

Why yes, i am taking a break from school to write... thank you for asking.

I found a homemade dress at Rockstar & Rogers for $4.

The last 7 clothing items I have bought have been from there

including a pair of Gap jeans that I found for $4 as well, and 5 sweet shirts.

Because of this store I have successfully spent $30 on clothing all semester.

Good job Meg.

Thanks.

Joe Purdy's voice makes me want to marry him

2009-04-25T12:02:00.004-05:00

i wonder at least 7 times a day why i have a cell phone.

1. i don't pay for it, dad does (sorry dad. . . . ???)

2. Our society was able to survive w/o cell phones for thousands of years.

3. If i want to ignore people it'd be a lot easier.

4. i don't enjoy phone conversations.

5. i have begun despising texting. It's so impersonal.

i wish i had 7 reasons for every 7 times that i consider this daily.

Sadly, i do not.

P.s. i still prefer being called Meg. . . this should not be forgotten.

you have my attention.

2009-04-21T23:35:00.003-05:00

Someone gave me a few barbies once.

i almost threw them away but this week i've found multiple things they are good for.

1. Hanging her from the bunk bed=scaring your roommate.

2. Taking her to bluestem to hang out.

3. Taking pictures of/with her to brighten/scare people's days.

5 days left of human needs=only 5 more days

to be severely entertained by Ms Kellett's sweet-awesome outfits.

5 days left of Spanish lit=only 5 more days

to act like i'm interested in the topic

so my teacher will keep giving me free A's.

Hahaha, but seriously.

I always had a crush on Toby Mcguire when I was a kid.

2009-04-15T22:31:00.003-05:00

Thank God for diana, em and katie and that I can talk about c-stopping.

Because sometimes censorship is overrated.
I actually think it always is, but that's another story.

I love elderly people.
I was at sonic getting a diet-cherry limeade (SO GOOD) and this precious lady was beside me and she kept smiling at me..... maybe there was something on my face.

hey liz finn, if you're reading this---come to Manhattan. thanks.

2009-04-12T23:18:00.001-05:00

What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

2009-04-10T11:04:00.003-05:00

³⁷For,"Yet a little while,
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
³⁸ but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him."³⁹But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.

Last night Ichthus was incredible.
If there was ever a time when I know something was so directed toward me, it was last night.
Praise God for that.

There was also a word: perseverance. . .

I wish I could claim Hebrews 10:39, I am NOT of those who shrink back and are destroyed.

I have a had a rough last few weeks. . . the best thing I am learning is how it is so okay to be honest. You're probably thinking I missed out on the lesson about being truthful, but it goes beyond that. We're a BODY of believers. When one part suffers---well, you know. So I am finally admitting it.

I don't have my crap together. Thank God when I am weak He is strong. Thank God that when I cried everyday last week He sees that and loves me.

He loves me. Oddly, that's not the easiest for me to accept.

2009-04-05T23:27:00.002-05:00

I think I am becoming a more awkward person everyday. . . I think it's hilarious.

What am I the most excited about in the next few months?
School to be overrrrr.
Living at Colonial again.
Living 10 minutes away from IHOP.
Living close to my best friends again even though Liz is ditching me for Colorado.
A possible miraculous re-birth of the Jeep.
Prayer with Laura.
BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Double birthday with Diana, my birthday twin. Holla.

Maybe this summer I'll get over my fear of public speaking.

yeah right.

100th post. . . 100th comment gets a prize. PSYCH.

2009-04-04T01:36:00.002-05:00

Dear God,

Please don't forget about how much I love sun and summer. . .

67° | 36°

38° | 25°

40° | 23°

54° | 36°

65° | 41°

Love, Meg

Meaningful Letter

2009-04-01T21:21:00.003-05:00

Dear The Weepies,

You are my favorite band. I listen to you everday.
Please make a new CD soon. . .

Love, Meg

2009-03-29T20:56:00.001-05:00

Who was on America's Funniest Home Videos tonight, twice?

M
E
G
*
P
O
O
R
E

Hilarious, right?
I'm trying to find a copy of the video.
When I do, I'll post it!

2009-03-28T10:50:00.004-05:00

i liked that i am independent.

i liked that i can seem like nothing ever bothered me.
i liked that i will always listen, hardly ever talk.
i liked that i have my own ways of handling life.

Now i realize that all of these have made me
hardened
more dependent than ever
run from everything
not know how to deal with things
push a lot of people away
sad

i am at that place now where the Lord wants me.
Where i know in my heart that a life without Him is no life at all.
Where my weakness is all i have.
Where the only word i seem to understand is surrender.
surrender meg, surrender.

2009-03-26T09:51:00.002-05:00

Most people probably aren't aware that many things that we don't even think about

that we eat/drink/wear on a daily basis aren't made in the most ethical of ways.

But especially chocolate.

Did you know that Mars company that sells M&Ms, Dove chocolate, twix and snickers

cannot guarantee that their chocolate is "traffik free?"

After many companies have seen this problem and willingly made huge changes,

Mars company has been putting it off since 2005.

SLAVE LABOR for something we enjoy without second thought.

I am not comfortable with that.

There's a non-profit that I am very passionate about called

"Stop the Traffik." Based out of London, this organization

works to stop the traffiking of people and educates

on products that you can buy instead and helping to educate

and fight for the rights of those who can't fight themselves.

I won't apologize for this plug, I know it can be touchy,

but I think people need to know.

stop the traffik

2009-03-24T22:11:00.003-05:00

So maybe I sound dramatic, but I kind of feel like an Israelite wandering through the desert.

Not really sure of anything but the promised land.

At times completely forgetting what God has done in my life up to this point.

Forgetting how He miraculously rescued me.

Luke Wood is a worship leader at IHOP, probably my favorite.

He wrote this song called Hosea and you should listen to it.

At least read these lyrics.

good things.

2009-03-21T15:12:00.001-05:00

I have come to give you life
And to show you how to live it
I have come to make things right
To heal their ears and show you how to forgive them

Because I would rather die
I would rather die
I would rather die
Than to take your life

-Derek Webb

I really love this song and have been encouraged by it so much this week.

I really am not good at being a Christian.

I am still learning that I am nothing on my own.

life is happening

2009-03-16T00:05:00.003-05:00

I just finished my application for the Peace Corps.

It feels weird.

I'm getting ready to start/submit my applications for

Teach for America
LanguageCorps
Moody Grad School
And a few randoms.

Wish me luck. Or Blessings?

guardian-sandra mccracken

2009-03-13T19:01:00.002-05:00

i'm in a constant search for hope right now.

this song by sandra mccracken is what i want to hope in,
it hasn't been that easy for me though.

Hold on to me, when you are so tired
When you are so tired
Of holding up your head

Steady on your feet, I will not let you stumble
Will not let you stumble
I will not fall asleep

When you go out, when you come home
Like a hedge, like a shield,
I'll be your guardian

When you are afraid, look out to the mountains
Look out to the mountains
To the one who keeps you safe

You totes suck

2009-03-10T00:52:00.002-05:00

Tonight while walking to the library to study for my non-ending test/paper week I saw these two guys dashing toward the engineering building. I wondered what he was doing but before I could contemplate too much he dives into these bushes. I then realize that he's chasing a (or do you use an?) opossum. So then he finds the opossum and starts kicking it SO hard. He kicks it like five times. . .and this opossum is getting some air. I mean the guy is wailing on it. He keeps kicking it and kicking it. I'm quietly walking by on the sidewalk but then I get really disgusted and I'm on the phone with my friend freaking out. Because then the guy kicks the opossum so hard and the opossum gets more air and then -smack- lands on the sidewalk and I'm almost positive it was dead. . .

So that's what happened on the way to the library.
SICK.

And then I called the forum, because what else do you do when you are an outraged college student?

click this for gooooooood music.

For Christ's love compels us

2009-03-08T10:36:00.003-05:00

I wish I was so gifted with the use of words.
Words that could explain the restlessness of my heart .
If not words I wish I could explain through music or art-sometimes I feel so untalented.

I don't want to become angry with the world because it's where I am.
Now.
For a reason.

Pero en realidad es muy difícil para mi ver este mundo y ver buenas cosas. Yo veo un mundo que necesita Dios y no soy un ejemplo bueno de este amor. Muchas de las cosas en mi vida yo veo como cosas que no son necesarios como escuela, taca taca taca. Yo paso asi mucho tiempo con preocupación de mis notas y con tarea, clases, etc. . . Estas cosas se parece asi mundano. No deseo las cosas del sueño americano. No quiero una gran casa con un lexus y una piscina. Yo quiero una vida que lo grita el amor de Cristo. No quiero desperdiciar mi vida.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

2009-03-05T01:15:00.003-06:00

As my spanish teacher said to our class today: "You over analyze everything!" Even though she was talking about our choice of ser/estar with past participles, adjetivos, preposiciones, etc. . . it was a good way to be reminded of life and the over complicating mess we sometimes find ourselves in. I've had a huge reality check this week.

Working at the library causes me to open many books a day to catch short sentences.

Today while I was shelving some books I opened the 2007 refugee journal and had my heart broken once again. Then I remembered the beautiful Somalian families and children we met this summer working with freedom fire. I am in the process of looking for Refugee organizations to work for after graduation. . . These kids don't have a home anymore. . .
Statistics say 8.4 million, and that's from 2006.
I'm not trying to be that commercial,
but seriously. . . think about that.

2009-03-03T21:59:00.002-06:00

I need to learn that it's okay to cry. I know that sounds so dramatic and cliché, but I never cry.

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. ~Charles Dickens

2009-03-02T23:24:00.002-06:00

I haven't been able to get something off of my mind today. . .

A Piano.

I went to the Nelson-Atkins museum during Christmas break with a friend of mine. Walking through the photography part of the museum, I was taken back by this picture of a piano. It was taken in Spain, I believe, and the lighting is perfect. It's beautiful. I stood there and looked at it for five minutes and had to look at it again before leaving and now I cannot stop thinking about it. I wanna go back. NOW. Or this weekend.

Pointless post, but I love art.

music.

2009-02-26T00:08:00.003-06:00

music does something to me that i cannot explain.

i will listen to any genre of music and will most likely enjoy it, unless it's on pop radio which generally just makes me mad. there is some music in my life that i can listen to and get really, really happy. such as:

1. horse feathers- i know, awful name, but i'm telling you. . . well i can't describe it, listen for yourself. Here.

2. margo may-yes, you probably know her. i can listen to glory, sweet glory and be set for the day. it's beautiful. her voice is beautiful. Listen!

3. the new frontiers-although no longer together, i think their music is so great and has gotten me through a few days of working at the library. Give 'er a try.

4. Soap&Skin- i will never apologize for my taste in music. EVER. This artist is pretty insane, but insanely good. i dare you to listen to her. Soap&Skin.

5. the welcome wagon-thank you, sufjan for helping other musical geniuses spread the love. love them.

P.s. God is great. so great. so great. so, so great.

What is love without much risk?

2009-02-24T01:19:00.003-06:00

I cannot fathom the freedom that the Lord offers me but I am in love!
I had a really great weekend and saw a few very specific prayers answered.

He is so great.

You know what I am so excited for? SS '09 babaaaaay. . . and my birthday on June 8th. Same as Kanye. . . what, what?!?

P.s. I saw a trash truck on campus. . . it said refuse|recycling but I read refuse like refuse, not refuse. . . as though it was an ANTI-recycling truck and I was soooo confused until I realized it was refuse as in a synonym for trash and then I felt stupid and wondered why I'm in college. I think that was confusing. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thursday morning happenings.

2009-02-19T18:59:00.003-06:00

I absolutely love KSU's ability to produce wonderful people.

Today I saw a man in a kilt.

I rate my day at a 103% because of it.

surreal elevator moments.

2009-02-16T17:54:00.004-06:00

I had two really funny things happen. . . both having to do with elevators.

I work at the library and I was walking by this hallway. . . I look down it to see the elevator closing on what seemed like a scene from a murder movie. Two older people one man and one woman wearing trench coats down to the floor. The man was wearing sunglasses and the woman had her knee propped up, seeming to say "Make one move and I'm ready to come after ya!" And then the elevator door closed and I felt like I'd woken up from a dream, but it was real life. I swear.

Second thing. Talked to a very dear friend on the phone today and she was saying how much relationships frustrate her. She asked me how to keep a man around (I'm clearly the LAST person to ask about this) but nonetheless, I gave her the only answer that I will stake my life on. I said haven't you heard the Beyonce song? All the single ladies. . . she says the key is to put a ring on it. However, after getting on the elevator I realized I had very little signal. So I kept asking "Haven't you heard Beyonce's song?" and she would reply "What?" And I'd say it again louder. . . and I heard the guy to my right let out a HUGE sigh. And I think it was the longest elevator ride of my life. No kidding.

Oh Mondays. . .

I also saw the most LEGIT cowboy on campus today. It was intense. He was wearing a hankerchief around his neck. . . a real one, not a trendy one. And the way he walked was possibly more confident than a supermodel.

Yes. Funny Monday.

dreams of spring.

2009-02-15T11:16:00.005-06:00

I remember my dreams every single night and my dreams are insanely vivid.

Because of this, sometimes I think it's comical to look at dream dictionaries

and see if I can't interpret a few things in my life.

Last night I had a dream that I was driving through Colorado and it was Spring!!!

There were green trees everywhere and I was so excited.

Spring

To dream of the season of spring, signifies new beginnings and creative endeavors. It is also a symbol for warmth, virility and fruitfulness.

I guess we'll have to see what happens.

That's a pretty vague interpretation.

spring. . . i smell you!

2009-02-11T01:34:00.000-06:00

"What kind of computer do you have?" -my friend from texas.
"A MacBook."-me.
"I knew it."-my friend from texas.
"How?"-me.
"Because you're liberal."-my friend from texas.

Hilarious? Not sure.

Okay Profesora Sauter. . .
My least favorite teacher kept us over in class for five minutes.
She is crazy.
I cannot, cannot, cannot wait for tevals this year.

I guess you could say I'm falling.

2009-02-08T19:33:00.002-06:00

So here are a few things that I can confidently say I love.

Etsy.
This is that one website that I will literally go and then an hour passes and I cannot believe it.
Last.fm.
A wonderful, wonderful website that, if you are in love with music will make your soul come alive. . . that may be phrased a bit intensely but at least you will get the point.
Daytrotter Session.
Please and thank you. Currently slightly obsessed with the band Husband & Wife.
Canvas Painting.
I have found there's little in life that can make me feel as free as a blank canvas and some paints. I am not an extremely gifted artist, but may I say that I feel like Picasso when I paint. I LOVE IT!
Sigur Rós.
Listen to them. Your mind will be blown.

Hope you love them too.

2009-02-05T11:46:00.002-06:00

See that picture at the top of my page?
I took it at the konza.
I get to go there this weekend with
a wonderful friend and we are
going to picnic, and take pictures,
and take naps, and play the guitar.
It will be perfect.

Romans 1:20
For his invisible attributes,
namely, his eternal power and divine nature,have been clearly perceived,
ever since the creation of the world,
in the things that have been made.
So they are without excuse.

School is hard.
I am bad at time management.
I looooooove my new job.
I am really trying to understand and apply the love of God in my life.
oh.life.you.are.funny.

2009-02-03T21:31:00.004-06:00

i made some changes in my life. . .
then it was pointed out that i had un-consciously made a lot of changes.

1. Giving up "regular" stores for 6 months.
Reasons for this:
*I have recently been reading up and learning about how so much of what we buy is made so, incredibly un-ethically.
*Thrifting causes a person to explore creativity like never before!

2. Giving up dyeing my hair.
Reasons for this:
*When I realized I didn't know what my natural hair color was anymore, I realized it was time to stop.
*Not dyed hair=Not dead hair.

3. Writing at LEAST one letter a week, for 54 weeks. . .(are there 54 weeks in a year?)
Reasons for this:
*I know if I write tons of letters eventually I will get one back.
*I feel that writing letters is almost a stress-reliever.

4. No more piercings all year.
Reasons for this:
*Although it may not seem like a big deal I realized that since coming to college I've gotten a new piercing almost every 6 months. That is RIDICULOUS.
*Save money and be satisfied.

I want this year to be about living simply. My dear friend Ana does not realize how much she has opened my eyes to a simple life. I think the Lord honors it!

I know Walt Whitman may be a bit scandalous, but this is seriously probably my favorite quotation of all times:

"Simplicity is the glory of expression."
-Walt Whitman

Love you friends.

2009-02-01T11:25:00.002-06:00

i've decided to share some strange things that i have eaten during my 20 years of life.

This, my friends, is a sweet mexican candy called lucas which is made out of tamarindo. Looks nasty, tastes sooooo good. I bought so many the summer that i lived in Mexico for a month.

Now this. . . could be making some of your mouths water. For me, however, I would rather eat those really good green beans from the freezer section. Mmmmm. I hate meat. I have never, ever tried meat that I've just been like oh, wow. . .that's soooo good. So if you one day help me accomplish that-kudos.

SUSHI!!! Sushi is one of my favorite foods in the world. The best sushi I've ever had is at Kona grill on the plaza and the best kind had a slice of raw salmon on the top. . . I'm telling you, it's perfection.

Last but not least. . . my favorite fruit that I'm allergic to.
Mango.
Best taste.
Best color.
Best smell.
Worst allergy.
I still can't talk about it w/o getting emotional.

2009-01-28T12:41:00.002-06:00

Sometimes when I feel like I've

fallen,

collapsed,

displeased people,

been worthless,

I just crave to hear how much the Lord loves me.

When I read Song of Solomon I read part of it as a love letter from the LORD to me.

When we are in our darkest times, the Lord constantly desires to lead us.

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

10My beloved speaks and says to me:

"Arise, my love, my beautiful one,

and come away,

11for behold, the winter is past;

the rain is over and gone.

12The flowers appear on the earth,

the time of singing has come,

and the voice of the turtledove

is heard in our land.

13The fig tree ripens its figs,

and the vines are in blossom;

they give forth fragrance.

^{Arise, my love, my beautiful one,}

and come away.

God, thank you for your love and grace that I will never, ever understand.

2009-01-24T22:44:00.001-06:00

“Do the things you know, and you shall learn the truth you need to know.”

Louisa May Alcott

2009-01-21T00:05:00.002-06:00

I do not want to be an obnoxious blogger, but my day. . . seriously?

1. I cried in class. I never, ever cry. I cried in class. . . haha.
2. I fell walking up the stairs.
3. I got locked out of my room and had to pay $5 to get in.
4. Can't even touch on how unfit I am for my job.
5. Spanish quiz, what?
6. Yep, it's still winter.

2009-01-19T12:37:00.002-06:00

I just need to say it. . .
I hate that some friendships fade and end.
The hardest thing EVER for me to understand is that some people are brought in our lives for a season. I have a hard time saying goodbye. Even though I am confident that the Lord is so good and knows what He is doing in my life.

On another note--went to a birthday party last night.
Pretty positive that this person's house is actually a meth lab.
Can I write that on my blog?
Hopefully I don't get questioned.
I mean I'm not making meth and for all I know they aren't either.
Okay I'm stopping.

2009-01-18T02:23:00.002-06:00

OH KANSAS.

OH WINTER.

OH SPRING-COME!!!

I was so thankful for today!

A beautiful break from

single digit temperatures and a perfect

reason for a konza trip!!!>>>>> BEAUTY.

2009-01-15T13:09:00.001-06:00

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
-Mark Twain

i am a full supporter of this quote.

Slowly Changing. . .

2009-01-08T08:26:00.002-06:00

i am about to be sooo trusting with whoever is reading this!

This was written in my journal,

i pray this over my own life. A prayer of perseverance,

joy, brokenness and surrender.

Within the matter of less than a week many things happened

that have caused me to lean into the Lord's arms.

And it has been beautiful. And hard.

I seriously have prayed once before that the Lord

would break me so that I would rely, and both

times He has surprised me with how literal it has been.

I have claimed a verse for this year and I love it. . .

Psalm 52:9

For what you have one I will always praise you in the presence

of your people.

And I will hope in your name for your name is good.

Is it thursday yet?

2008-12-14T21:27:00.002-06:00

I am sick.

something that I'll admit, I am a very selfish sick person.

I like when people feel bad for me.

I can't smell anything, or taste anything.

Good news:

I'm done with finals Tuesday and I cannot, cannot, cannot wait to go to KC

and spend time with friends and my special friend.

Other good news:

I have a house for next year! A beautiful house. Thanks KK!!!

The only thing I'm not happy about?

The weather.

True story, I don't enjoy winter.

I don't enjoy snow unless I can sit inside all day in front of a fire.

2008-12-04T22:06:00.002-06:00

Wait. . . December?
Is this a joke?
i mean, really? December?

Things i'm excited for:
My last final.
Going to KC for fun times.
SS '08 reunion!
Christmas!
Visits in Wichita from special people.
Spontaneous trip(s)?

i glanced at this verse today and was convicted.
i want to wait in great expectation.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
Psalms 5:3

ehh. . .

2008-11-28T20:59:00.002-06:00

Trust.

Trust in the Lord.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding.

i am trusting the Lord.

Even there there is a scary situation in my life.

He knows what's going on.

What a relief.

2008-11-20T23:58:00.002-06:00

"Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom
and might and honor and glory and blessing!"
-Rev. 5:12

Much like how Ella Fitzgerald shared w/ her
adoring audience that she had "Georgia on her mind"
i've recently had this verse on my mind.

It's good.

Wow, i'm the worst blogger ever.
My posts are ultra-lame.
Sorry folks.

Preserve Me.

2008-11-16T21:28:00.004-06:00

Preserve me oh God, let not shame stand in my way.
I have no good apart from you.
But I keep running after broken cisterns that never satisfy.
Won't you open up my soul?
Preserve me oh God, write Your word upon my heart.
I have no good apart from you.
Your streams of mercy, You're never ceasing.
Your streams of mercy, they have no end.
-Preserve Me by Jordan Johnson

This weekend was so greatly needed and so encouraging.
i love the Lord's timing in all it's perfectness.
How great.

But Christ is all & is in all.
Col. 3:11

2008-11-10T21:13:00.002-06:00

"Simplicity, purity and obedience to the Word will leave us
weak and powerless in the world's eyes because
we no longer can call upon our possessions and
privileged position as security."
-Brennan Manning

I am learning a lot about simplicity
and what the looks like as a follower of Christ.
Also, what that should look like in my life.
I don't want to count on anything but Christ
for my security.
He is teaching me what this looks like.
Exciting stuff!

oh no. . . i've checked out.

2008-11-08T23:45:00.004-06:00

i am praying so hard.

Lord, wake me up!!!

i realized this weekend that have mentally checked out on school.
i have an intense case of senioritis.
i love manhattan.
i love my community here.
For some reason i'm just ready to graduate!!!

i know i'm here for a reason,
seizing each moment is a must.

Help me Lord.

Meg White

2008-11-07T21:36:00.004-06:00

i wish my name was Meg White.
Because well i mean number 1, she is a very talented musician...
But the real reason is i REALLY love Ray LaMontagne's
song Meg White from his new album.
It's my fav.

So be aware, one day i may legally change my name.

Aside from that specifically, i wish people would
realize that i'd rather be called Meg than Meghan.
So there you have it.

Colo Spgs.

2008-11-03T14:20:00.005-06:00

So praise God i hang out with a lot of friends that
have something huge in common:
spontaneity
So Saturday at 10:00PM we decided to head to Colorado.
Eventually at 11:45PM we got on the road.
And we drove on I-70.
Went to far.
Finally made it to highway 40.
Stopped the car on highway 40 at about 3:45AM.
Got out. Laid a blanket in the highway.
Looked at stars for thirty minutes.
**The most amazingly beautiful stars i have ever seen in my life. There were no cars, no lights anywhere. i saw 4 shooting stars. It was exhilarating.**
Got back in the car.
Made it to Colorado Springs at 7:00AM.
Went to Pikes Peak.
Took a nap in a park.
Ate lunch.
Tire problems.
Took three hours from Salina to Manhattan.
Came home.
24-hour trip to Colorado and back.
Totally worth it.

3When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
Psalms 8

2008-10-28T09:05:00.004-05:00

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Why, my soul are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise Him,

my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you.

Psalm 42:5-6

Doodling during Ichthus=REVELATIONS!

2008-10-23T11:41:00.005-05:00

Okay, seriously God, you are funny and awesome.

Today i was cleaning off my desk and was looking at some notes from Ichthus that i jotted down a few weeks ago... now, i am a doodler. i doodle no matter what.
Today the Lord used my doodle to speak to me!!!

For some reason i had written out this:
COME.
And it had a box around it.

Come! i know, so simple.
i know, i already know this!
But recently, i can't explain it... it's been hard to approach the Lord.
So i laughed to myself when i read this and i'm thanking God for His grace.

My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth ... They give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
Song of Solomon 2:11-13

He already fought death for me.
Ahhh... i am refreshed.

So Jesus, thanks for letting me doodle in Ichthus... just don't tell John Schwartz

a few of my favorite things.

2008-10-19T18:04:00.003-05:00

well, here are a few of my favorite things.

1. sending and receiving letters

2. learning spanish

3. making paper chain clips

4. Vanilla Caramel Bigelow Tea. If you haven't tried it, you should. It's delightful.

i have a lot more favorite things, but school is screaming for my attention. yuck.

2008-10-13T19:17:00.002-05:00

The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. 7It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the LORD loves you. . .

Deut. 7:7-8

This is what i need right now.

i need to know that the Lord loves me.

When i mess up, He loves me.

When i am struggling to find joy, He loves me.

Not because of ANYTHING i have done but because He sees "redeemed" written all over me.

The Lord is faithful and i have to remember this.

He is SO forgiving even when i feel like i can't even lift my eyes to Him.

Thank you, Jesus!!!

Wedding in October. No, not mine!

2008-10-08T15:22:00.007-05:00

so i'm headed to a wedding of a good friend this weekend...

it's going to be at a state park in Missouri

and it's going to look a little like this.

i have a feeling it's going to be the most beautiful wedding i've ever been to. Wanna know why?

1. i love, love, love autumn.

2. i REALLY love weddings.

3. Being outside is in the list of top 5 favorite things ever.

4. i really love doing things with my good friends.

People, when #1, #2, # 3 and #4 are combined. . . well, it doesn't get much better than that.

2008-10-04T01:22:00.002-05:00

This is the gospel i am called to share and to live:

"You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side"

-Bethany Dillon

This is a picture of the fourteener that I've had the privilege of

climbing three times.

At the peak of this mountain is where

i've had some really cool conversations with God.

i can't wait to go back.

-Mt. Sneffels-

2008-09-30T18:02:00.002-05:00

A mi me encanta mucho aprender español.

Disfruto ir a clase cada día y siento como yo estoy aprendiendo mucho. Pero este semana he estado muy preocupada con mis clases de español. Yo quiero ser fluida! Pero que difícil es. Eh, este lenguaje es bonito. Hay así muchas ventajas a español y los otros lenguajes. Yo deseo mucho vivir en México o Costa Rica... un país donde yo puedo sumirme en la cultura, la gente y el lenguaje. Yo quiero practicar mas que yo puedo. Yo estoy segura que el Señor ha puesto este pasión en mi vida para un razón pero no puedo verlo ahora.

Entonces hasta el día cuando todo está claro yo estoy feliz servir mi Dios.

2008-09-28T17:47:00.002-05:00

discouragement and doubt have been flooding my thoughts lately.

i KNOW that the Lord is good.

Slow to anger and quick to love.

My eyes are always on the LORD,

for He rescues me from the eyes of my enemies.

Psalms 25:15

Rejoice in our confident hope.

Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

Romans 12:12

At times when i feel like i can't see the good

i have to remember what the Lord has done in my life.

Even if it's hard for me to see now.

The Lord loves me.

His daughter.

And that, i can never forget.

Restlesness

2008-09-19T10:09:00.003-05:00

i'll be so honest right now. . .
Sometime i get really frustrated with myself.
Frustration like this happens because i have such a restless soul.
i am sure that somehow and someway that Lord will use this in my life in amazing ways.
At times like these, however, it just stinks.
So on these days when i wake up and the first thing i desire to do is buy a plane ticket to some far away place, i am trying my darned hardest to put my hands out in full surrender.

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess."
-Martin Luther

i am going to begin praying that i'll once again have the faith of a child.
Trusting that God's ways are always good.
Having faith the Lord will provide!

On a similar note, thank God for the Konza.

Hope is Coming For Me

2008-09-18T00:02:00.002-05:00

I have yet to read a book that has spurred me on

as much as Practicing His Presence.

Looking over it again today.

I've really been sensing the Lord in my life recently.

I always do, but in one of those irresistible and joyous ways that I can't even begin to describe.

I just want each moment of each day to be penetrated by the love of the Lord.

1 John is still the cry of my heart. I want to love like that.

"Try to call Christ to mind at least one second of each minute. . . invite Him to share everything you do or say or think." -Frank L. (Practicing His Presence)

"We ought to purpose ourselves towards this end: to become in this life the most perfect worshipper of God we can possible be." -Brother Lawrence (Practicing His Presence)

So joyous that the Lord extends patience and grace.

He is good.

2008-09-11T23:06:00.007-05:00

11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers,

against the authorities,

against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

13Therefore put on the full armor of God,

so that when the day of evil comes,

you may be able to stand your ground,

and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 6: 11-13

There have been some extremely real things going on in my life.

You don't realize how real spiritual warfare is

until it affects you in a tangible way.

Jesus- you have been given as a sacrifice.

i want to give up all the holds i desire

to have on my life.

Life doesn't make sense without you.

Prayer is Beautiful.
The Lord's children are
beautiful.
loved.
treasured.
reconciled and redeemed.

lead. me.

2008-09-05T09:41:00.006-05:00

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
-Brooke Fraser.

There happens to be one verse that has seen me through so much... that the Lord has been tempted in every way that i have. i serve a God who can empathize with me and that... that is amazing.

Ichthus worship last night had me in tears. This line :

"Sons and Daughters of the Living God"
That got me. i needed that...
Then to hear the words:
"Oh Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead."
Yes, the Lord showed up. The Spirit of the Lord is real. i know this.

On a very different note...
there's a new band causing quite the ruckus in Manhattan.
www.myspace.com/skatingwithknowledge

Peace.

2008-09-04T11:17:00.002-05:00

Thank you Jesus for this weather.
It's beautiful.
-your daughter

He left the comfort of his throne to fight for victory.

2008-08-26T19:53:00.002-05:00

Sometimes my heart hurts.
i can really and truly feel it hurting.
For many reasons.

*Satan has been getting to me. blah.
*Sometimes people don't give me grace. blah.
*i want a 4.0 and that means hard work. blah.
*i definitely hate letting people down. blah.

But i take a step back and i see my Savior.
i see how He is my grace. How he doesn't lead me into temptation.
And how He is my constant. And i truly believe this.
My soul is alive when I am in His presence.
When I choose to see Him in, through and around me, I become so alive.
And I can't explain it any other way.

This is why i can get up each morning.
Because i have a reason.
LOVE.
Love wakes me up.

2008-08-21T16:07:00.001-05:00

Try as I may to chase another Lover,
I find there is, there is no other

All the other Lovers fade away
Only YOU can satisfy

And happy am I, to live a hungry life
And blessed am I, to thirst
My desire for You, it is my gift within
I am blessed, I am blessed among men!

- Misty Edwards

i'm so tired of chasing pointless things.

To live is CHRIST.

2008-08-12T14:30:00.001-05:00

Instead, speaking the truth in love,
we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head,
that is, Christ.
Eph. 4:15

The Lord has been calling me to wake up.
To be bold for Him.
To speak truth...even when it's scary because it usually is.
To live the love that's been given to me.
And to consider all as loss but to follow Him.

2008-08-01T21:31:00.001-05:00

i have been reflecting on this passage all week...

so i'll share it with you!

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
   and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
   and the flame shall not consume you.
3For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43:1-3(ESV)

The Lord is so faithful.

2008-07-09T12:44:00.001-05:00

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

-Brooke Fraser

i'm definitely going through a dry/scary time in my life. But wow.. He is still so faithful.

2008-06-25T15:07:00.000-05:00

1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you
       will ever be put to shame,
       but they will be put to shame
       who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

This is the cry of my heart.

Psalms 25

2008-06-17T14:58:00.002-05:00

God is changing my heart.

He's showing me the power of prayer and showing me what that looks like in my life.

i've been humbled. i asked for humility and i am in the process...

i had the privilege of hearing the author of "Red Moon Rising" speak today. i'm blown away. i think God is starting something in me right now that will change my life forever.

i can't wait.

2008-06-02T11:13:00.002-05:00

Satan frustrates me.

Makes me feel so

inadequate

unworthy

incapable.

i don't want to believe them. He knows though... he knows so well how to push us to our breaking point. He's devious...

i can't get over the grace of God... i think about it all the time.

He gives me my purpose.

Whom have i in heaven but you!

2008-05-23T01:38:00.002-05:00

"I walk before God simply, in faith, with humility, and with love. I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think nothing which may displease Him. I hope that when I have done what I can, He will do with me what He pleases."
... Brother Lawrence

i have been reading Practicing His Presence. i feel an

odd yet exciting urgency to live what Paul said in

1 Corinthians 2:2: For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.

And again i am so thankful for the grace of God.