Wow. It has been months, upon month since writing!
What has happened?

Marriage
Grad School
Moving to KC
Getting a new job
Looking for a new church.

Man-oh-man. A lot.

bill and i have decided to undertake a thirty day challenge.

in the next thirty days we will journal and pray this prayer,

Jesus, be the Lord of my life in new ways today.

Change me in any way you want.

Wash me clean from every sin.

Fill me with your Holy Spirit.

Make me a channel of your love & grace.

Exalt yourself through me.

Use me to lead someone else into this prayer.

In Your name I pray. Amen.

i think we are going to be taught a LOT!

i get to marry my best friend in 377 days.

Yes, i'm doing a ridiculous countdown.

i feel ridiculously blessed and so undeserving.

i am learning so much more about that love that God

has for me through this.

...

i'm pretty sure my blog is of no

interest to most people . . .

that's okay.

It's an outlet. A great outlet.

While watching a video today, i have realized even more how

much my life is saturated by unbelief. i feel like it is an inescapable trap

which i am smothering in.

Where did my love, joy, my heart go?

i feel like they are gone from my life, my actions . . .

i feel very stuck. VERY stuck.

17Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
habakkuk.

i'm having a selfish day.
A day where all i want is for Jesus to come back.
To sit beside me, hold me, wipe my tears away and look into my eyes.

There is so much that He is asking me to do though and day in and day out i sit comfortable in my home. . . having comfortable conversations and doing comfortable actions day after day. i want to be awakened. John 10:10 has been on my mind heavily for the past week. It says that He came to not only give us life, but life to the fullest. i want that life. i want my life to glorify the one who gave it ALL for me.

I see the sun rising
And all you see is its fall, fall, fall