i liked that i am independent.

i liked that i can seem like nothing ever bothered me.
i liked that i will always listen, hardly ever talk.
i liked that i have my own ways of handling life.

Now i realize that all of these have made me
hardened
more dependent than ever
run from everything
not know how to deal with things
push a lot of people away
sad

i am at that place now where the Lord wants me.
Where i know in my heart that a life without Him is no life at all.
Where my weakness is all i have.
Where the only word i seem to understand is surrender.
surrender meg, surrender.