so i put it off
and put it off
and put it off.
This happened to me today during church.
i was sitting there, surrounded by people.
But all i could think of was crap.
Garbage in my life.
Life has been really confusing for me lately...
i feel like i'm spinning out of control.
i'm learning how to forgive myself.
i'm learning humility.
There are gross things in my life,
but my brokenness can only be offered back to my Lord.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Covered in sin and shame i literally chose to not approach the
cross, worried for some reason that i was too much of a burden.
But there is grace, PRAISE THE LORD, there is grace.
Glory to God that He works and moves. This passage so clearly
speaks what the Lord has done for me. So much so that I was blown
away when I read it yesterday. Thank you Lord!
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
i wear my emotions on my sleeve.
joy, despair, happiness, sadness.
Because why shouldn't we share these things, share ourselves in true form?
Maybe i'm wrong?
i need to stop paralleling my life to songs.
i love carrots.
music makes me so happy.
i'm going on a trip soon.
my allergies are horrible.
apparently everyone will get swine flu at k-state this year.
i want to be somewhere far away from the city and breathe.
i want to spend time with Jesus somewhere isolated.
i'm seriously considering a Meg-God weekend.
i think we'll do it soon.
"Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains"
Go to Spanish class.
Go to work.
Shelve carts of books.
Shift carts of books.
Shelve more carts of books.
Shift more carts of books.
Go to Swahili Class.
Think about all the things I could do.
Go to sleep at 10:30.
I will be gone for nine days and I am begging the Lord to show up
in crazy ways. I know that He will.
I know I didn't share yet what I mentioned in my earlier post, but maybe I will after Guatemala... plus I'll have tons of other awesome things to share!!!
Please pray for us while we are away.
For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
2a time to be born, and a time to die;
i have had a big wake up call recently.
faith is faith.
a lot/most of the time it doesn't make sense.
He's giving me dreams again.
Visions of what He wants for me.
Visions of a sold-out daughter.
'Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth!"
Because sometimes censorship is overrated.
I actually think it always is, but that's another story.
I love elderly people.
I was at sonic getting a diet-cherry limeade (SO GOOD) and this precious lady was beside me and she kept smiling at me..... maybe there was something on my face.
hey liz finn, if you're reading this---come to Manhattan. thanks.
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?
What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
38 but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him."
39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.
Last night Ichthus was incredible.
If there was ever a time when I know something was so directed toward me, it was last night.
Praise God for that.
There was also a word: perseverance. . .
I wish I could claim Hebrews 10:39, I am NOT of those who shrink back and are destroyed.
I have a had a rough last few weeks. . . the best thing I am learning is how it is so okay to be honest. You're probably thinking I missed out on the lesson about being truthful, but it goes beyond that. We're a BODY of believers. When one part suffers---well, you know. So I am finally admitting it.
I don't have my crap together. Thank God when I am weak He is strong. Thank God that when I cried everyday last week He sees that and loves me.
He loves me. Oddly, that's not the easiest for me to accept.
What am I the most excited about in the next few months?
School to be overrrrr.
Living at Colonial again.
Living 10 minutes away from IHOP.
Living close to my best friends again even though Liz is ditching me for Colorado.
A possible miraculous re-birth of the Jeep.
Prayer with Laura.
BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Double birthday with Diana, my birthday twin. Holla.
Maybe this summer I'll get over my fear of public speaking.
i liked that i will always listen, hardly ever talk.
i liked that i have my own ways of handling life.
Now i realize that all of these have made me
more dependent than ever
run from everything
not know how to deal with things
push a lot of people away
i am at that place now where the Lord wants me.
Where i know in my heart that a life without Him is no life at all.
Where my weakness is all i have.
Where the only word i seem to understand is surrender.
surrender meg, surrender.
And to show you how to live it
I have come to make things right
To heal their ears and show you how to forgive them
Because I would rather die
I would rather die
I would rather die
Than to take your life
this song by sandra mccracken is what i want to hope in,
it hasn't been that easy for me though.
When you are so tired
Of holding up your head
Steady on your feet, I will not let you stumble
Will not let you stumble
I will not fall asleep
When you go out, when you come home
Like a hedge, like a shield,
I'll be your guardian
When you are afraid, look out to the mountains
Look out to the mountains
To the one who keeps you safe
So that's what happened on the way to the library.
And then I called the forum, because what else do you do when you are an outraged college student?
click this for gooooooood music.
Words that could explain the restlessness of my heart .
If not words I wish I could explain through music or art-sometimes I feel so untalented.
I don't want to become angry with the world because it's where I am.
For a reason.
Pero en realidad es muy difícil para mi ver este mundo y ver buenas cosas. Yo veo un mundo que necesita Dios y no soy un ejemplo bueno de este amor. Muchas de las cosas en mi vida yo veo como cosas que no son necesarios como escuela, taca taca taca. Yo paso asi mucho tiempo con preocupación de mis notas y con tarea, clases, etc. . . Estas cosas se parece asi mundano. No deseo las cosas del sueño americano. No quiero una gran casa con un lexus y una piscina. Yo quiero una vida que lo grita el amor de Cristo. No quiero desperdiciar mi vida.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13
Statistics say 8.4 million, and that's from 2006.
I'm not trying to be that commercial,
but seriously. . . think about that.
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. ~Charles Dickens
I had a really great weekend and saw a few very specific prayers answered.
He is so great.
You know what I am so excited for? SS '09 babaaaaay. . . and my birthday on June 8th. Same as Kanye. . . what, what?!?
P.s. I saw a trash truck on campus. . . it said refuse|recycling but I read refuse like refuse, not refuse. . . as though it was an ANTI-recycling truck and I was soooo confused until I realized it was refuse as in a synonym for trash and then I felt stupid and wondered why I'm in college. I think that was confusing. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I had two really funny things happen. . . both having to do with elevators.
I work at the library and I was walking by this hallway. . . I look down it to see the elevator closing on what seemed like a scene from a murder movie. Two older people one man and one woman wearing trench coats down to the floor. The man was wearing sunglasses and the woman had her knee propped up, seeming to say "Make one move and I'm ready to come after ya!" And then the elevator door closed and I felt like I'd woken up from a dream, but it was real life. I swear.
Second thing. Talked to a very dear friend on the phone today and she was saying how much relationships frustrate her. She asked me how to keep a man around (I'm clearly the LAST person to ask about this) but nonetheless, I gave her the only answer that I will stake my life on. I said haven't you heard the Beyonce song? All the single ladies. . . she says the key is to put a ring on it. However, after getting on the elevator I realized I had very little signal. So I kept asking "Haven't you heard Beyonce's song?" and she would reply "What?" And I'd say it again louder. . . and I heard the guy to my right let out a HUGE sigh. And I think it was the longest elevator ride of my life. No kidding.
Oh Mondays. . .
I also saw the most LEGIT cowboy on campus today. It was intense. He was wearing a hankerchief around his neck. . . a real one, not a trendy one. And the way he walked was possibly more confident than a supermodel.
Yes. Funny Monday.
To dream of the season of spring, signifies new beginnings and creative endeavors. It is also a symbol for warmth, virility and fruitfulness.
I guess we'll have to see what happens.
That's a pretty vague interpretation.
"I knew it."-my friend from texas.
"Because you're liberal."-my friend from texas.
Hilarious? Not sure.
Okay Profesora Sauter. . .
My least favorite teacher kept us over in class for five minutes.
She is crazy.
I cannot, cannot, cannot wait for tevals this year.
This is that one website that I will literally go and then an hour passes and I cannot believe it.
A wonderful, wonderful website that, if you are in love with music will make your soul come alive. . . that may be phrased a bit intensely but at least you will get the point.
Please and thank you. Currently slightly obsessed with the band Husband & Wife.
I have found there's little in life that can make me feel as free as a blank canvas and some paints. I am not an extremely gifted artist, but may I say that I feel like Picasso when I paint. I LOVE IT!
Listen to them. Your mind will be blown.
Hope you love them too.
I took it at the konza.
I get to go there this weekend with
a wonderful friend and we are
going to picnic, and take pictures,
and take naps, and play the guitar.
It will be perfect.
For his invisible attributes,
namely, his eternal power and divine nature,
have been clearly perceived,
ever since the creation of the world,
in the things that have been made.
So they are without excuse.
School is hard.
I am bad at time management.
I looooooove my new job.
I am really trying to understand and apply the love of God in my life.
then it was pointed out that i had un-consciously made a lot of changes.
1. Giving up "regular" stores for 6 months.
Reasons for this:
*I have recently been reading up and learning about how so much of what we buy is made so, incredibly un-ethically.
*Thrifting causes a person to explore creativity like never before!
2. Giving up dyeing my hair.
Reasons for this:
*When I realized I didn't know what my natural hair color was anymore, I realized it was time to stop.
*Not dyed hair=Not dead hair.
3. Writing at LEAST one letter a week, for 54 weeks. . .(are there 54 weeks in a year?)
Reasons for this:
*I know if I write tons of letters eventually I will get one back.
*I feel that writing letters is almost a stress-reliever.
4. No more piercings all year.
Reasons for this:
*Although it may not seem like a big deal I realized that since coming to college I've gotten a new piercing almost every 6 months. That is RIDICULOUS.
*Save money and be satisfied.
I want this year to be about living simply. My dear friend Ana does not realize how much she has opened my eyes to a simple life. I think the Lord honors it!
I know Walt Whitman may be a bit scandalous, but this is seriously probably my favorite quotation of all times:
"Simplicity is the glory of expression."
Love you friends.
This, my friends, is a sweet mexican candy called lucas which is made out of tamarindo. Looks nasty, tastes sooooo good. I bought so many the summer that i lived in Mexico for a month.
Now this. . . could be making some of your mouths water. For me, however, I would rather eat those really good green beans from the freezer section. Mmmmm. I hate meat. I have never, ever tried meat that I've just been like oh, wow. . .that's soooo good. So if you one day help me accomplish that-kudos.
SUSHI!!! Sushi is one of my favorite foods in the world. The best sushi I've ever had is at Kona grill on the plaza and the best kind had a slice of raw salmon on the top. . . I'm telling you, it's perfection.
Last but not least. . . my favorite fruit that I'm allergic to.
I still can't talk about it w/o getting emotional.
1. I cried in class. I never, ever cry. I cried in class. . . haha.
2. I fell walking up the stairs.
3. I got locked out of my room and had to pay $5 to get in.
4. Can't even touch on how unfit I am for my job.
5. Spanish quiz, what?
6. Yep, it's still winter.
I hate that some friendships fade and end.
The hardest thing EVER for me to understand is that some people are brought in our lives for a season. I have a hard time saying goodbye. Even though I am confident that the Lord is so good and knows what He is doing in my life.
On another note--went to a birthday party last night.
Pretty positive that this person's house is actually a meth lab.
Can I write that on my blog?
Hopefully I don't get questioned.
I mean I'm not making meth and for all I know they aren't either.
Okay I'm stopping.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
i am a full supporter of this quote.